While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
