The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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