I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
