How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
