actually, I'm a sock model
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize