How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
