btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We need to get me chipped asap
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
