I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
