omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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