did you get engaged???
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
