So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
