Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize