hotel room ftw
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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