Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
