I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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