I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
