She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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