She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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