Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
