it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
