Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
