he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You don't make any sense
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