Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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