And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My bed smells like the plague
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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