he thought i was a dude.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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