gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
