she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
