its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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