My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
