Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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