you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
