I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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