i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
