forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He kissed a someone with a penis
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
