what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
