If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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