A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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