it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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