just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
