The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize