it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
