Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
