I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My ass is underappreciated
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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