I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
