why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
