I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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