apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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