so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just want to make out with him forever
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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