please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize