i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
