You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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