my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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