all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
