we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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