Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
