Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
