by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
