dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
