My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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