That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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