Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
