She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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