Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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