Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
