I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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