the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
