How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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