I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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