I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
