Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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