Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
