i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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