why do cheetos always look like penises
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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