I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
