what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
this just has baby written all over it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
