Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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