Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
