they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
