Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
