brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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