I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
