captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
