I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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