even my farts smell like vagina
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
