i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
