then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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