put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
