i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
