Apparently you make a good broom.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
