Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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