Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
