i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
