There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
