your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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