i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
