Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
