Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
